


Sometimes

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, I can't really think of anything to tag this as honestly, It's really just Historia missing Ymir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 16:17:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2074758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, she lays awake at night and just… misses Ymir, misses her with everything she has.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



Sometimes, she lays awake at night and just… misses Ymir, misses her with everything she has.

She’s not sure exactly how many times it’s happened (A lot, close to every night she hasn't been just simply too exhausted to even think) and it’s not like throughout the day she just doesn't miss her or anything, because she always does.

During the day when she’s busy or when the air around her is lively with the others, the pain dulls and sometimes she almost forgets the constant ache. _Almost_.

And at night when things are quieting down and things are peaceful (As peaceful as they can get, anyways.) it hits her, the pain and the memories.

Sometimes it hits her when she’s getting ready for bed, when she has a comb through her hair and nearly drops it when the pain hits her like a wave. (Okay, so she hasn't exactly ever seen a “real” wave but she has overheard Armin talking about the ocean, so she understands what it is.) And she just has to stand there for a moment, always ignoring how Sasha gives her that small little reassuring smile before patting her on the back and wandering off to do something else.

Sometimes it hits her when she’s actually dozing off and the thought of their training days sneak back into her mind and she suddenly remembers that those days are gone, and so is Ymir, and so is “Christa” and it suddenly feels like somebody has a hold of her throat and she can't breathe. (But lately, has anybody had the chance to truly catch their breath?)

But it’s not like Historia can actually just stop breathing, so she closes her eyes and breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth and counts backwards from ten and then simply stares up at the ceiling, waiting to see if the pain recedes. (It never does. Not when she’s _so_ aware of it.)

Sometimes she wonders if the others miss anybody like she misses Ymir, and who they miss. It’s easy to guess with some of them, Jean misses Marco but the difference between them is Marco didn’t _willingly_ leave him. (And yes, she is all too aware of exactly how selfish that thought is, and she really does understand that Ymir had her reasons but it’s easy to forget them when she’s here, all alone.)

She’s not sure with some of the others, though, who they miss or if they even have somebody to miss, and sometimes she’s not sure if she cares. (And she knows she should care, Christa would care. _Christa would ask, she would comfort_   _them_.)

Even while she’s laying here she can’t say that this is the worst part of missing her, the hardest moments seem to be the simple ones, watching Sasha and Connie playfully goof off (But it doesn't happen as much as it used too, and even while they're laughing the happiness doesn't seem to reach their eyes the way it used too. And everyone notices that, but nobody says anything.)

Or seeing Mikasa and Eren and Armin all sitting together talking to each other (She’s pretty sure nobody but the three of them will ever know each other so wholly, and that make her sort of jealous, because she wishes she had somebody like that right now.)

These things remind her of their training days and how much has changed, how much they've changed in all of this. (And exactly how small their group has become) 

Then sometimes something will happen, somebody will say or do something that reminds her so much, too much of Ymir and it’s like a punch in the gut, knocking the breath right out of her, making her want to crumple to the floor with the sudden weight that seems to bear down on her.

In those moments though, she has to suck it up, she can't just sit and simply miss Ymir when she has to keep moving, but right now while she’s laying in her bed she doesn't really have too, she can lay here and nobody can see her, and as long as she doesn't sob nobody’s going to notice if she cries.

So she does, Historia let's some tears slip out of her eyes, and just lays there simply missing her. (And sometimes, she even misses Christa too.)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this! And I'm welcome to any kind of constructive criticism you may have, in fact I'd really appreciate it if you would give me advice, or tell me what I may be doing wrong so I can improve!


End file.
